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What Is Nice Guy Syndrome? 5 Signs That A Self-Proclaimed "Nice Guy" Isn't All That Nice
Cynthia|Feb. 01, 2019
1. He Makes Rejection A Moral Issue
Getting bummed out about rejection is totally normal for people of all genders. It's even normal and healthy to complain about your rejections to your friends. What's not healthy is to behave as if you've wronged someone by turning down a date or sex. Whether or not you want to date someone is beyond your control. It's just not a moral issue. Even if a Nice Guy™ doesn't overtly say it was wrong for you to reject him, guilting you, trying to change your mind, and letting you know exactly how much you've hurt him can all have the same effect. Yes, rejection hurts, and that's not gender-specific. But a situation can be shitty without being anybody's fault.
2. He Touts His Own Kindness
There's nothing wrong with being kind, obviously, but when somebody goes on and on about how nice they are, you have to wonder why they need everyone to know that. Being nice should be for its own sake, not so that women will date you or sleep with you as a result. Touting your kindness in opposition to other men also implies that men in general are not kind, which puts men down and maintains a system in which masculinity means degrading and using women.
3. He Doesn't Sympathize With Women's Trust Issues
When women are distrustful of men, it's often because men have harassed and mistreated them. Yes, #NotAllMen do this, but women don't automatically know which men are responsible for sexism, so it's understandable that women would be wary of men — or people — in general. When women are reluctant to talk to a stranger, it's not because they're just being stuck-up bitches; it's because they've had experiences that make them wary. Even if you're not responsible for these experiences, you should understand that women are just being rational by basing their decisions on them.
4. He Puts Down Other Men
Men with Nice Guy Syndrome like to think that they're the exception for being nice. But treating women like people doesn't make you special; it just makes you a decent human being. Plenty of men will treat women kindly, but Nice Guys like to think that behaving kindly earns them a gold star. It doesn't. The real nice guys are those who treat people nicely without expecting any acknowledgement in return.
5. He Views Dating As A Meritocracy
You don't have to be an equal-opportunity dater. Nobody accumulates kindness points that then add up to sex or dating. Even if somebody is a great guy who treats you well, you don't have to date him. That's like saying that just because a shirt fits really well, you should wear it as pants. Just because someone's a really good friend doesn't mean they're a good boyfriend for you. Certain people fit different roles in your life, and that's not wrong. Self-described "nice guys" might claim that being nice entitles them to a relationship, but true kindness is given without any expectations.
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