EXPOSED!!! Different Types Of Pen*ses And How To Enjoy Them
Sept. 18, 2020
Pen*ses come in all different pen*s shapes and sizes, and they never cease to amaze us in their variability. Every guy is different, and with every new guy comes a new pen*s experience — whether good, cringe-worthy or totally laughable.
From my own experiences and those of my friends, I've developed this guide to making the most out of these 5 common types of clam-slammers.
1. The Small Pen*s
“It was smaller than a magic marker.” — KS
If you have ever had to ask, “Is it in yet?” my heart breaks for you. I can’t think of anything more disappointing than a guy who just wasn’t born with adequate equipment, let alone the dreaded micro-pen*s.
When a guy is super small, it can definitely hinder your chances of having an orgasm. But even if you’re dealing with something that is equivalent to a super tampon, there is always a possibility for good s*x.
Before you even bother to weep over his poor genes, your best bet is to focus on yourself first. Try spending more time on foreplay. Bring out your toys, get on top, and take control of the situation ... because he certainly won’t be able to. Get yours first, and then move to s*x so he can get his.
Also keep in mind that the size of his shaft isn’t something he can control. So don’t be cruel. Just make the best of the situation and move on.
2. The Long Pen*s
“It’s a good kind of thin.” — MH
His pen*s may not be thick, but it can still be long and strong. You can’t always have the best of both worlds when it comes to length and width, but lots of women prefer length.
With a longer pen*s, you really can’t go wrong any s*x position.
But if you find yourself wishing he was thicker, try out some new angles. Try having s*x on top, while spooning, in doggy style, or go with the classic missionary position. Switching up your body angle can make all the difference on how a guy feels inside of you.
If you find that you are still unsatisfied, turn up the intensity a notch. Any kind of kinky or out of the ordinary element in the bedroom can always heighten your experience and make you forget that you're dealing with a skinny pen*s.
3. The Uncircumcized Pen*s
“An uncircumcised [pen*s] is like a regular pen*s, but in a sock.” — SD
These are rare to come by in the States, and if you do come across one, you may be surprised and kind of petrified at first, but there’s nothing to be afraid of. Guys who are uncircumcised have a little extra to offer … extra foreskin that is.
That foreskin can prove to be pretty overwhelming or intimidating, especially during oral. When you go down, it goes down, and when you come up, it comes up. Kind of like playing an accordion with your mouth.
Foreskin and foreplay are tricky, but actually having s*x with an uncircumcised guy isn't any different than having s*x with a circumcised guy. Don’t let the hood frighten you away, it could turn out to be the best s*x of your life.
4. The Large Pen*s
“It’s like sitting on my forearm.” — NR
There probably isn’t anything more overwhelming than when you find out a guy has a really big pen*s. It may seem like a fantasy, but in reality, it can be fear-inducing, and if you have never been face-to-tip with a guy who is way above average in size, you might not know what to do.
When it looks like he is too big to fit, it's probably a good time to talk about lube. Whether it comes from you or it comes from a tube, you are going to want to be properly lubricated, just to make things easier.
You should also keep in mind that your s*x position makes a big difference. Anything that involves girl on top will probably be too much at first, although it will allow you to get acquainted at your own pace and depth. The easiest way for you to test the water will most likely be doggy style, as long as he’s gentle. There’s no extra gravitational force pushing it in, and he’ll be able to adjust to a rhythm that’s most comfortable for you.
Don't be afraid if one comes your way. Your vagina is stronger than you think.
5. The Ungroomed Pen*s
“Put your face in a shrub, it’s basically the same thing.” — A.W.C.
Not all men believe in landscaping their downstairs region, and some don’t even like to trim it up. It’s not always the most pleasant place to put your face, and when guys have a grooming issue, it can make it almost unbearable. So what do you do?
The answer, sadly, is not a whole lot. If you’re just hooking up with a guy on a one-time only basis, you’re just going to have to get over it. Your parents always told you not out judge a book by its cover, so don’t let this guy's grooming habits interfere with your desire for him. However, if you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like to keep it clean and you don’t like it, you should definitely say something.
Try to be subtle. We all know how sensitive men can be about their most important appendage. Say something like, “I wonder what it would feel like if you were to try shaving everything...”
If you can get him to try it, let him know you like it better that way, and if he truly cares about you, he might trim regularly.
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