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Research-Based Strategies To Improve Communication with Your Partner
Sep 19, 2020
Would you believe that infidelity is not the leading cause of divorce today. Neither is domestic violence!
Dr. Shirley Glass’ timeless research found that the main reason married couples cite for divorcing these days is finding it impossible to communicate.
Yes, communication in relationships is one of the most important factors in both healthy and unhealthy relationships.
Dr. John Gottman’s four decades of research on couples, also mentioned in his book titled “ Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work ”, found that criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are huge predictors of relationship meltdown and are significant predictors of divorce.
Dr. Gottman refers to these four dynamics as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
When a partner uses any one of these four horsemen while trying to communicate with their significant other, there is no ability to constructively manage conflict.
The four horsemen
Criticism
It is perfectly fine for a partner to make a complaint to their partner . Yet being critical or contemptuous is not ok.
A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, while criticism attacks the other person’s personality or character, and this is not ok.
Critical statements frequently include the words “always” or “never.” Criticism frequently begins with “You are …”.
There is no such thing as constructive criticism because it is still criticism, and criticism is never constructive. Women are more frequently guilty of this horseman.
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