“Mid corner. Classic Bears move lmaooo 🤣,” tweeted Anna Angel, summing up the vibe in Chicago faster than Justin Fields scrambling from a pass rush. But while fans roasted GM Ryan Poles for inking CB Kyler Gordon to a 3-year, $40M extension, the Bears’ front office doubled down—betting Gordon’s “Spider-Man” swagger can resurrect a defense that’s been softer than a deep-dish crust.

Let’s cut through the noise: In 42 games, Gordon’s stacked 207 tackles, 5 INTs, and a highlight reel worthy of SportsCenter’s Top 10. His Week 17 game-sealing pick in 2023? Dude celebrated with a flip so acrobatic that Marvel fans begged for a cameo. Poles isn’t sweating the slander. “Kyler’s a priority,” he insisted, channeling his inner Hermione Granger (“When in doubt, go to the library!”).

— NFL (@NFL) April 13, 2025

“The timing’s tricky, but he’s our guy.” Translation: The Bears are all-in on Gordon’s upside—just like they were on Mitch Trubisky. (Too soon?)

But let’s be real: Chicago’s defense ranked 22nd last year. Gordon’s had 17 passes defended since 2022? That’s more than Jaylon Johnson. And with 4 forced fumbles, he’s a turnover machine—something the Monsters of the Midway haven’t had since Peanut Tillman’s “Punch-Out” era. “We’re building something special,” Poles added, sounding more optimistic than Ron Burgundy reading a teleprompter.