Nearly five years ago, Ryan Dorsey’s life changed forever.

The Justified actor, 41, discovered on July 8, 2020, that Naya Rivera, his former wife and the mother of his son, was missing after she rented a boat for a day of swimming at Lake Piru in California. The Glee actress, 33, was last seen in the water by their son, Josey, who was 4 years old at the time.

The Ventura County Sheriff’s Office searched the lake for days before their worst fears were confirmed on July 13. Rivera accidentally drowned moments after she used her last bit of energy to help Josey climb back into the boat, saving his life.

Rivera’s unexpected death was a “never-ending nightmare” for her family.

“I remember laying there with [Josey] in a state of shock,” Dorsey recalls in the latest issue of Us Weekly, on newsstands now. “Looking at this beautiful boy and grateful that he’s OK. When he woke up, he said, ‘Dad, what are you doing here?’ I said, ‘I came to be with you.’ He told me, ‘They can’t find Mommy. I hope they find her, but I think she might be dead.’ I was devastated for him, for me, for everyone.”

Overcome with tragedy, Dorsey left Los Angeles with Josey and returned to his hometown of Charleston, West Virginia, where he began to rebuild their lives. Five years later, father and son have fallen into a “surreal” but happy rhythm.