(FINAL UPDATE) Boyfriend of 3 years just admitted to cheating, we're on vacation together, I don't know what to do.
Aisha|Aug. 08, 2019
Thank you to everyone that has commented or reached out after my last two posts. I first want to say that I am doing okay, even after what I am going to say in this post, I'm okay. I am going to attempt to make this as brief as possible because I can't give this situation any more of my heart or energy. But it will most likely be long. Here we go .
I am all moved out of the apartment, my things going into storage because I am still staying in my friend's home for the time being. This break up has proved to be financially burdensome but somehow money has managed to be the least stressful part of this ordeal. It turns out that I never knew the man I shared my life with for the past 3 years. My ex and I ended up having a conversation on the last day of us moving out. He seemed apologetic and sad and asked if we could talk. He said that he loves me, that he will always love me and he wants us to stay together. He apologized and said he would stop bullshitting, no more lies. I didn't feel the need to have a conversation but I did have just one question. I asked him "why?"
I never could have imagined in a million years that he would tell me that the reason he cheated was because I miscarried 6 months ago. Especially because of how supportive and loving he was during that period in our lives, I felt blindsided and betrayed. He said that he knows that it was not my fault, that there was nothing I could have done differently but it had caused him to resent me. That he was angry. He said he knew how this sounded which is why he never talked to me about it. He didn't want to hurt me - ha. I of course at this point felt sick. My heart hurt in ways I never knew possible. Even the death of my father did not hurt in ways his words and actions were hurting me. Here is this man that I have unconditionally loved and supported for over three years. I was his biggest cheerleader in life, encouraged him to be his own person and to still live his own life. I wanted him to be happy. We never went to bed mad at each other, we never called each other names, we never not kissed each other goodnight or goodbye in the morning. Our relationship seemed great and yet he's telling me for the last six months he has resented me, borderline hated me at times.
He admitted to downloading Tinder and chatting with women over the last six months. He swore that it never became sexual up until the night he cheated and that was only because they had history. I have no clue if that is true. Honestly, I don't care whether or not it is. The cheating is minimal compared to the words he just spoke. We were both crying and I handed him my keys for him to turn in. I gave him a hug and told him that he needs therapy and that I never want to speak to or see him again. I have a therapy appointment next week and will start to work on healing.
I am looking at potentially getting a loan so I can get out of anything left that we have shared. I also want to look into moving to a different city but that is still up in the air. I have changed my phone number and blocked him everywhere. There was never a chance of him and I getting back together and this just solidifies my decision. This will most likely be my last post on the subject but I once again thank each and every one of you.