Looking for advice on discussing the timeline for trying to get pregnant with my (31f) husband (31m)
Aug. 11, 2019
My husband and I have been married about a year and a half now and when we were originally talking about the timing of trying to conceive we decided on around the Septemberish timeframe.
My husband now mentioned that he wants to wait until we’re out of debt until we start trying.
We are financially stable (I’m a CPA, he’s a dentist) however our financial situation isn’t great right now because we just purchased a dental practice and we had some unexpected medical expenses this year.
There are two big factors that are making things financially tight for us right now. The first is that the dentist we purchased the dental practice from is staying on at the practice as an employee until the end of this year and paying him is costing us a big chunk of our income, but this was agreed upon as part of the purchase. Additionally, we need to hire an extra dental assistant for my husband - this will obviously cost us money in the short run, but my husband will be able to produce more by having an additional assistant.
Second, the practice was a completely non digital practice. We had to invest a lot of money immediately into upgrading the practice (computers for every operatory, new phone system, new X-ray sensors, new dental chair, etc.) we also incurred a lot of expenses when doing the initial purchase (e.g. lawyers, accountant, insurance consultant, inspections, etc.).
So we’ve racked up about $25K in credit card debt.
I have no doubt that we will be able to pay this off (I make about $85K a year and the practice (with only one dentist and scaled back hours) cleared about $175K last year and we live in a moderate cost of living area with pretty low fixed expenses) however, the next 6 months will be tight with the added cost of the new assistant and the old owner still being paid, but we can make it work. We’ll be staying above water without going into our emergency fund (I.e. we’ll be making more than what is going out each month - but not by much) but I don’t foresee us being able to pay off all of our debt until after the old owner leaves the practice.
I’m going to be 32 soon and we’d like to have at least 2 kids - successfully conceiving can take a long time and I worry that waiting a considerable time longer to start trying will end up pushing us into that riskier 35ish age range for definitely a third and maybe even a second child.
Oh, and this isn’t a question of if we want to conceive - we both definitely want kids and are happily married - this is just a question of when.
Tl:dr My husband and I have always discussed starting to try to conceive around the Septemberish time frame but now he’d like to wait until our debt is paid off which will likely be about a year or a year and a half from now. I’m getting older and waiting to try to conceive makes me nervous - and I fear that if we do wait and conceive in that risky age time frame and have a child with issues relating to a geriatric pregnancy I will really resent my husband.
Edit: also - I definitely don’t want to turn this conversation into any sort of threat, ultimatum, or a pressuring situation for him - just looking for an outside opinion on the situation and advice on how to move forward.
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