I want to divorce my pregnant wife
Aug. 14, 2019
I am 27M and my wife is 28F. We have been together since early 2016. After about a year she asked if we could get engaged mutually. We bought rings and exchanged them. It felt very whirlwind romance. Towards the end of 2017 we found out she was pregnant. I was mortified - she wanted to keep the baby and I did not feel like I or our relationship was ready for it. I was only just out of university and trying to get my career off the ground. I did what I felt was the right thing and stayed with her despite our disagreement about the baby. I convinced myself that it would work. We married in early 2018 which also seemed like the right thing to do if we were having a baby and were already engaged.
While pregnant with our first child I had been applying for the next stage in my career. I was offered a really good job in a remote and lovely area of the country where my wife grew up and her family live. I didn’t know anyone there but thought it would be a good place to start a family. We moved in late 2018 and everything was OK for the first year.
We happily decided that we would try have a second child as we had enjoyed our first child’s first year so much and we wanted them to have a sibling. She is currently 16 weeks pregnant.
However, my wife has become increasingly nasty towards me throughout our 18 months of marriage. She has an awful temper and treats me with complete disdain. She is verbally and sometimes physically violent. She controls everything I do and often ruins any plans I am making with friends. I am not sure I love her anymore and feel hatred towards her a lot of the time. I dream of running away but the idea of leaving my daughter kills me.
Money is also a problem. I have good career prospects but my job doesn’t pay that much yet and my wife does not bring any money in. She is studying for a PHD and her funding has now stopped. Money is really tight and it really gets me down - we have no money to spend on nice stuff, just overheads which sucks because I work really hard. My wife wants to use my salary so she can finish her PhD over the next two years. With another child on the way money will be even tighter and I feel like my life is slipping away because we can’t do interesting things / travel to see friends.
My wife has also caused a massive rift with my parents. She accused my dad of touching her up. This is a whole other huge story but the crux of it is that I think she is exaggerating what happened to control me and the situation. I’m not sure my / our relationship with my parents will ever recover which I am so miserable about.
I feel like I am being taken advantage of, pushed around and abused. My self-worth is being chipped away every day. My wife only seems to care about having children and getting her doctorate and doesn’t care what it does to me in the process. I feel oppressed by how aggressive and controlling she is. I am so lonely and have no friends nearby. I don’t know how my life got here in just three years. All I want to do is run away, enjoy my life and rewind to a point where I had control over things but I can’t bear the thought of losing my daughter and unborn child or harming their chance of having a “happy family”. If I leave it will look like my fault - I will be the asshole who left his pregnant wife and young daughter, not my wife’s for being unbearable to live with.
I desperately need advice and support about what to do. I don’t even feel I can speak to friends because I am embarrassed about my thoughts and how pathetic I must look to them if I explain what is going on. I don’t know whether to leave or try and make it work. I am scared the latter will drive me to suicide.
TL;DR! I hate my pregnant wife who controls me and makes me miserable. We already have one child. I want to run away.