Log inLog Out
My (26F) controlling fiancé (22M) thinks having a car before making babies is a luxury


Dec. 01, 2019

So I've known my fiancé for like 3 years now, engaged for 2 years, and everything was so beautiful in the beginning. He was such a sweetheart and would do anything to make me happy. But since we're engaged he became so controlling. He has OCD, so I can't really blame him for being a control freak, but sometimes I get so tired of it. Idk if it's just his personality or if it's because of his mental illness.
The other day I was just casually telling him I would like to have a car before us getting pregnant, so I could just go to the appointments by car, when the baby is born. It's just really cold right now in the Netherlands, so I was already thinking about taking a baby outside in this weather. I just think it would be nice to have my own car when we have a baby, so I don't have to walk or go by bike with a little one.
He has a car, which he almost never uses, and I'm not allowed to drive it, because.. yeah you guessed it. Controlfreak. Nobody else is allowed to drive his car.
That's why I need my own if we're planning on having babies at one point. It won't happen soon, gosh no! But I was just telling him it would be nice, but he became angry and started saying his mom raised 2 kids without a car (/no license), it was totally fine with a bike, and that I'm just overreacting and being a spoiled brat. So many mom's not having a car and still being able to do all that. And back in the day it was all done without a car.. But I don't give a damn about others and "back in the day". I was just pointing out my own goals and needs. I don't understand why he can't respect that.
Now he's telling me I'm not capable of raising kids if I really need a car when being a mom. He thinks I'm depending on stuff and not being able to do things on my own. Wth?! I don't understand how that is correlated to each other. And that's exactly my point. I don't want to have a baby, and then be dependent of others to drive me around. Or to already have a baby, and then think, omg, it's really cold these days, let's take my baby outside for a 30 minute walk to go see the doc. In the freezing cold. And then be like, maybe I need a car. But then its already too late.
It sounds weird I know, but if he doesn't want to spend the money, I'm okay with buying my own car. But this behaviour just doesn't seem healthy to me.
Now I'm so angry and I just told him I don't want any babies. Because we keep having argument over things like this, it's insane.
My dad got my mom a cute little car when she became pregnant, why can't my fiancé be like that.. ugh!
TL;DR Am I acting spoiled for wanting a car before getting pregnant? I just want it to be easy for the baby and I to go to the appointments. And I don't want to be dependent of my fiancé or other people to drive me around.
Sign in to post a message
You're the first to comment.
Say something
Log in