I (33M) don't think I mean as much to anyone as they mean to me and it's very depressing. What can I do?
Ibrahim Alhaji Geidam
Feb. 08, 2020
It was probably around a decade ago when I really kind of learned my worth the hard way.
My parents divorced in a very nasty deal. They both took it hard and went their own ways, basically dropping my younger brother and sister off wherever they could before they were really ready to move out. They're both screwed up forever now because of it and will probably never really recover. Neither of my parents really talk to anyone at all anymore, certainly not me.
In the last ten years since, my main focus has really been on my wife. I try to do as much as I can for her, bettering my career so we can live comfortably, taking care of everything that I can for her so she doesn't have to worry about things around the house, making sure I support her projects and goals, taking her traveling like she likes. All sorts of things. But it feels like sometimes she'd just rather not be around me. I can tell in recent years she has become far more introverted around everyone and often needs a lot of space. I try to not take it too personally and have certainly talked with her a lot and have found compromises but it just feels like she doesn't want to hang out as much, and it sucks to feel isolated when I need to give her space.
The same goes for a lot of friends that I'd like to consider close. I just don't think they consider me that close. I'm blessed in life and try to do as much as I can for them to kind of pay it forward. I pay for meals, I cook them meals, I invite them on trips with my wife and I sometimes and cover the hotel rooms. I don't care about the money, but it does kind of hurt when I go through a lot of trouble for friends and try to make sure that they know I think the world of them, just to see them blow me off sometimes.
It just really sucks. I try to be kind of a selfless person and never want to be the kind of person that asks for anything or expects anything in return. But I guess deep down what I don't say to people is that the only thing I'd like in return is to just know that I matter or that I mean something to them.
I can't remember the last time someone went out of their way to do something special for me. It seems to always be a one way street. I used to feel great about myself being of service and supporting everyone around them, but lately I just feel exhausted as if I've given all of me there is to go around and now there's not much left. I do try to spend a lot of me-time, indulging in things or working on my own stuff, but it's just never enough really. I just end up feeling kind of alone and wishing I had at least someone to talk with and remind me that I matter.
Anyone ever been in this situation or know what to do?
TLDR - I find a lot of value in being useful or of service for others, it makes me feel great. I don't necessarily ever expect anything in return, but it really kind of bums me out to feel like no one cares as much as I do. What can I do?
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