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I (17m) am obsessed with my predator ex (22f)
Merlin|Aug. 09, 2019
We started dating when I was 13 (she was 18), and dated for on and off for 3 years. It was a secret. Obviously it should jump out that this was an extremely inappropriate and predatory relationship, given that she was an adult and I was a minor throughout its entirety. I am aware of this, but it's not necessarily what the issue of this post is.
During the "relationship", she tended to ghost me without warning for up to months on end. I always felt really weak and hopeless during those times, and I feel like they led to me becoming attached more strongly when she would come back. I feel like she would use it to tip the power in her favor. As a result of this, and the age difference, my ideal power dynamic is kind of fucked for the foreseeable future.
We are not together anymore. We have been no contact for a few months. I feel like I am attached to the degree of obsession, and it really worries me. I feel pathetic and powerless. I think about her very frequently, which can keep me up at night sometimes. I scan people's faces out in public because I'm afraid I'll see her.
My kneejerk response would be that it's only been a few months, and it will pass with time, but that's not entirely accurate. This isn't our first breakup, and the attachment has been building over the whole relationship. I strongly believe that the fucked up age gap is the main reason behind the unhealthy attachment.
I want to leave her in my past. She was an abusive, manipulative predator. If she tries to come back again I want to have the strength to say no. I've never had the willpower to turn her down, and I want to make sure that can't happen again. Leaving such a toxic and predatory relationship isn't as simple as going. I feel addicted to it, even though I'm aware of its massive detriments.
How do I stop obsessing over her? How do I weaken the attachment? How do I stop my life from revolving around her?
tl;dr I (a minor) was in an abusive relationship with an adult and am now obsessed with her. I want to leave her in my past.
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